Today was an ‘anxious’ day. The anxiety was from the impending call to my kids to inform them of my diagnosis. I stayed busy so the time went by pretty quickly. Wait, is that a good thing?
Three o’clock rolled around and we all had called in to a conference call number that Mari Jo had provided. Much easier and straight-forward than me trying to add calls ad-infinitum on my iPhone.
When MJ and I dialed in Blake, Alex and Hayley were already on. It is uncanny how alike Logan and Alex sound on the phone. Hayley had just said that when I called Alex Logan. Jeez!! Logan and Christa joined us in a couple more minutes. I’m so glad Logan had Christa with him. I could tell he was really struggling with the news and having Christa there as emotional support was helpful, I’m sure. I told Hayley she could get emotional support from some of her camp buddies if she needed it. They don’t run in mema’s social circles so the news getting out to her would be very unlikely.
I explained everything I knew about my LGLL diagnosis to the kids and opened it up for questions. I attempted to keep things positive and upbeat but this kind of news is never very positive when you’re hearing it about a loved one. The silence spoke volumes and the nervous questions even more. I couldn’t answer all the questions but promised to get answers when I could.
Blake responds to out-of-control events that hurt loved ones like I do – in anger. I’m not sure who asked the question that prompted his response but it was something like, “It’s cancer! It fucking kills you!” That sounds just like me and the best comparison I can think of was when Hayley fell in the fire at Hanging Rock Park. It was out-of-control for me and I couldn’t prevent it so I responded in anger. Andrea calmly took Hayley down to the little hospital in Danbury while I swore, cursed and threw (literally threw) all the camping shit into the back of the Pathfinder. (Alex can confirm that story! I think we had Peter Simms with us too.) That’s not an unusual reaction for a guy a guess – it’s kind of a macho thing, like, I should be able to control/fix everything. Despite the inappropriate initial reaction, I think Blake and I finally get around to being constructive and supportive. I can deal, (probably Blake too) with being hurt myself better than someone I love being hurt. “It’s just a flesh wound!” Hahahahahahaha!!
I explained to all the kids that they shouldn’t spread the news outside the current circle of knowledge; they shouldn’t even tell their moms yet, which was difficult but I just don’t want the news to get back to mom until MJ and I are there to support her. Don’t want a well-meant but inappropriate FaceBook post to be an unintended source of anxiety for mom. They all agreed to keep our secret for now.
When the call was over I felt better. It was somehow cathartic. I hate giving news to my kids that causes them to hurt or brings them uncertainty about the future. We also told Brenda, our house guest, and Ellen, my daughter-in-law. The circle is bigger than I wanted so we plan on driving down to mom’s this weekend to break the news. That’s gonna really suck!!
On the really bright side, we made home-made peach ice cream and Ellen stayed to have dinner with us. She and MJ had gone to get a mani-pedi together. I’m sure that was a somewhat emotional trip.
About Me
- Wayne Turner
- I was born, raised and went to school in eastern NC. Too immature at 17 to comprehend the seriousness of university life, I dropped out after two years and joined the Air Force. I spent two years of my four year military career in Germany, which I enjoyed immensely. I completed my Bachelor's Degree at Guilford College in 1985. My first career was in the computer field where I did everything short of design one. I've spent the last 30 years in the environmental field working for local governments. In December 2017 I retired from full time work. My overdeveloped sense of fairness and justice lands me on the liberal side in my political views. I think government plays a large role in social responsibility in a civilized state. I believe in the innate compassion and goodness in everyone despite the daily news reports to the contrary. My genetic predisposition for generosity in nearly all things is sometimes a source of future angst. I've been a musician and still have a deep love of music. I am naturally curious about all things especially metaphysics and science.
During the phone call...
ReplyDeleteLogan: What are the available treatments? Life expectancy? (Both completely viable and pertinent questions at this juncture)
Blake: It's fucking cancer, there's not a cure. It kills you.
Dad, spot on assessment of how I deal with bad shit that happens to those I love. In one of my own blogs, I remember musing about how I'd love to burn down the entire establishment where Pepper contracted Parvovirus when we went through that ordeal. Just give me the match... Actually, anger is how I deal with about 90% of life right now. I think I have the 10% rule backwards: it should be 10% situation, 90% reaction... Maybe I should talk to someone, haha!